Well, I’ve done it. Most of “it” anyway.
I have volumes 1-8 of the Sandman series, 6 of which were purchased using the same Borders rewards coupon. I had to spend all goddamn day driving from Borders to Borders to do it (traffic) but at least I had the foresight to have an episode of the Best Show cued up on my ipod to get me through all the driving.
Unfortunately there was at least one setback: I had to put my car in a garage to go to the downtown Portland Borders, and upon buying the first I needed I realized I forgot to have them validate the parking. I go back in only to learn they only validate parking if you spend over 25 dollars. I seize the moment to buy a second Sandman: besides, the cashier that rung up my first book is gone and in his place are not one but TWO new cashiers. In the time it takes me to speed-walk back to the Graphic Novel section and grab a second book and walk back to the cashiers, my two marks have disappeared and my guy has returned. Fucking boo.
Somehow between this moment and me getting back to my car, I lose my ticket. I unfortunately underestimate just how much I lost it, and I start my car and begin making my way to the ticket taker. I am still under the assumption that I will find it in one of my pockets or amongst the stacks of recently-purchased books and their corresponding receipts. I don’t. There’s a line behind me. I gee shucks to the guy that I have no idea what ever could have happened to my ticket. This winds up costing me $12.50! That’s basically like what I’ve saved so far with my coupon scam, and it’s out the window.
I plead with the guy: could I bring back the ticket and get a refund for the difference (it would’ve been $1.50, a difference of 11 bucks)? Nope. Could I pull back into the garage somehow and stay parked and then get my money back, and then exit “for reals” once I have secured my ticket, which MUST BE IN MY CAR SOMEWHERE. Nope. All because I didn’t want to pay full price for a Sandman book. If I had just sucked it up and paid full price for one more Sandman book, I would’ve gotten the ticket validated, and I surely would not have lost it then. Or, maybe I would’ve. Who knows? But I just knew this was somehow BORDERS fault.
But, I have to admit to this: I’ve somehow managed to escape paying parking fees two separate times in the past month or so. Like I parked somewhere, wound up being out way later than I thought, showed up to the parking garage to discover the mechanical arms are all up (they are probably ushering in tow trucks to take away the no-shows or something) and I just drove out, no attendant in sight. The fees were probably a little more than 12 dollars combined. So I guess I can say I still broke even.
I talk myself out of shoplifting a book just to make myself feel better because of this. I continue with the journey. It was a lot of driving, basically. I now have volumes 1-8, and I can hold off on getting 9 & 10 till the next coupon comes in. But next time when I go to downtown Portland, I’m taking the bus!!!
Right? THE BUS!
Get it? because parking was such a nightma— you get it. I can see by the look on your face you get it. Cool. Okay, later.
